Goodbye 2018!

Goodbye December! Feels a little like spring (mostly sunny weather with a refreshing breeze) in Dubai although it’s winter! 😉

2018 has been a winter year for me, a great year of endings and slowing downs. As I say goodbye to it I remember that it started with an eye injury and ended with a foot injury lol (tells you what kind of year it was). A clumsy one, rich with lessons, endings and potential beginnings I suppose. I started and ended a few relationships that were not for keeps but helped me realize clearly what and who matter most and what areas I was not willing to compromise in. People I love went through many life changes as well. Some went through marriage, others gave birth, got divorced, lost a parent, started a business etc..

How did you find it? Was it too eventful? What does one do when life suddenly changes and pulls the rug from underneath your feet? How do you deal with it? Can you sail through the groundlessness and have a hot chocolate with uncertainty?

It does take a while to relax into,  it certainly took me a while. You may have noticed or not that I have disappeared for some time now, not writing anything new during 2018 was not part of the plan. However, sometimes our plans go out the window and we are forced to focus on some other type of work or process. 2018 has definitely been a year of processes and much internal work. Winter season with its cooler temperatures and darker themes has been an education of sorts. Frustrating when you resist or deny it yet when embraced it becomes an invaluable source of reflection,  ground-work, change and eventually growth. OUCH!

Fact: growth is usually painful, you don’t get out of it without stretch marks! It means our ego shed an old skin, let go of another layer or falsity and surrendered to something bigger than ourselves. If you are anything like me you probably don’t like being slowed down or having obstacles that force you to relax into the discomfort of the unknown. I often feel that way when I travel back home (one of my homes) to Bahrain. First there is irritation and resistance (I fight and protest against it or feel sorry for myself and then after a while of resisting, fighting and boohooing I just accept it and begin to relax, that is when space is created for some new perspective and it starts to feel better (THANK GOD!!). (I can see clearly now the rain is gone…:)).

“Within every summer there are seeds of winter and within every winter come the seeds of summer, best not get used to either and enjoy the fall and spring”.

Enough singing and poetry and back to the winters of life but first I must give you a background as what brought me to that winter. In other words the summer before the winter which I am also grateful for, having had all these opportunities to blossom and shine.

My winter started with leaving a job that had shaped me for the past 3-4 years. It felt right to move on. I had learned all I could and offered all I could. I had gone live on MBC to talk about Recreation Therapy and in ARABIC!! An incredible milestone and an honor to be the first Recreation Therapist in the region to go on public TV (was a super cool & scary experience too). I had joined and worked with a team of skilled therapists and met many wonderful clients and families, launched a meaningful non-corporate project out into the corporate world, made some good friendships along the way, lost some too (not everyone is there to last in your life). Forgiveness of others and of yourself is not always easy. It takes a lot of courage be vulnerable and to forgive someone who has hurt you. It’s easier to avoid, judge, punish, take things personally, shutdown, get even, cut people off and hold a grudge. It is easy in the moment but exhausting in the long run.

So, I learned to let a lot of it go, give people excuses, own up to my bullshit, confront others with their’s, stop beating  myself up for being human and simply move on! Increasing the dose of compassion and embracing all of it with heart was necessary and humbling . Life is a series of ups and downs, joy after sorrow and deep valleys before mountain tops.  It is said you cannot experience one end of the spectrum without the other, unless you are enlightened of-course lol.

I spent my  2018th birthday traveling (wanted to get away from it-all the lessons intensely jam-packed in a short period of time). I took a break and traveled to visit an old friend in Oman. The trip was amazing and I was in need of some loving friends and a change of scenery. My soul started to heal and I began some new projects and busied myself with them. However, as an emotional and easy-going person I struggled with staying grounded, following plans, and getting motivated. Without the structured hours and work routine I was uncomfortably free flowing ok flooding. Some days it was hellish to get out of bed. Facing fears at 5 am in the morning (was being disciplined by waking up early) can be unpleasant. Now that I was free of the 9-5 schedule, it felt exciting and terrifying all at once! There were so many questions, possibilities and unknowns. It felt like an overwhelming foreign territory but I was also free to explore it any way I felt called to. My mind went wild with worry. What if I got lost? What if I flailed? what if I couldn’t survive? What if I got discouraged? What about all that effort? Would it be worth it? There were days when facing the emotional roller coaster that comes with having all that unstructured time seemed the worst of it. Was I going to turn it into a blessing or a curse?

Stay tuned for the next blog to find out and see you in the NEW YEAR!!! 🙂

Rawan

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Day 3 & 4: Playing with Refugees – ORIGINAL PLAY

Oct. 8.2016

The drivers drove us out further than usual up north, into Bikka valley to visit a refugee camp where we would play with the kids there for 2 consecutive days-For those that have not read Day 1 and Day 2,  we are a small team of specialists from all over, coming together in Beirut to practice Original Play with refugee children living in numerous camps across Lebanon-On this day, we moved our mats to a small space that was previously used as a classroom . The mats were set up by the team and with help from some of the children.

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Waiting for their turn to play

On the first day the groups we played with were substantially aggressive. They banged on the door persistently, barged in unless physically stopped from entering the room, and pushed and competed with each other to enter. These children were in desperate need of organization and so the team split up. Two people were put in charge outside, getting the kids sorted by age, lining them up, and breaking up quarrels. Three people inside the room to organize the kids on the mats and play with them. Fred stood at the door to keep the unlock-able door closed (inside the room) as the bigger boys were using all their might to push down the door. At some point the banging on the walls was so loud I had to drown out the sound, turning it into background noise, so I could focus on the play.

Fred, the master play specialist, our teacher, was watching us like a loving but never overprotective parent the whole time. He allowed us the freedom to make decisions and explore our own leadership skills and interfered only when he saw that we needed some guidance or help keeping the play-ground a safe space for all.

With all the chaos the children were making outside the room/play space, the boys managed to break the water pipes, we later found out. Ironically , inside, the play space was very cool and calm. We managed to compose the energy of the children once they entered.

One instance I remember is of a little boy who, when invited to play, came rushing towards me with great force! He strangled me around the neck and would not let go. My colleague came to my rescue and took on some of that energy. We do that sometimes, share a particularly aggressive child.

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neck-locked

 

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boy in blue is a force

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Noraini trying to pull him away from my neck

I also recall a girl about 12 years old. She was psychically large, aggressive, and attacking with kicks. The shocking thing was how clear the intention to hurt was in her movement.

After our play with lots of boys and girls that afternoon, everybody was exhausted and hungry. The camp management invited us for some finger food and we called it a day. Playing with so many children is always a huge physical and emotional effort which is why we are always hungry afterwards 🙂

The following play day, the boys were not allowed to play with us, since they destroyed the pipes. We had an incredibly good day with the girls. They were so happy we were there and expressed it with sincere words, affection, and tears when it was time to say goodbye.

Oct.9.2016

With our trip nearing the end, we passed by a camp to pay a visit to a special boy with a story that I will not share here (we met him earlier in 2014). It was very emotional for me to see the look in that young man’s eyes, no words can describe it, so I won’t even try.

Today was we were welcomed by a Syrian mother and her three  musician children. In their humble tent, they invited us in, served us coffee, and entertained us. To see hospitably in a refugee camp, that is just on another level!

Their mother was investing in music lessons at the camp, in continuing her children’s education, just like any loving parent would. Here we are in the middle of a war, in a refugee camp, in a tent, with a family that lost more than you and me could imagine and life, love, and music go on. The resilience and strength of the human spirit is incredible! I leave you with the live entertainment that we received. 🙂

Don’t forget to check out day 5 at our first Palestinian refugee camp (Shateelah). I will do a photos only post for day 5 as words fail me.

Rawan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All You Need to Know about Tai Chi

Tai Chi Quan

For those of you who do not know much about the ancient Chinese martial art referred to as Tai Chi Quan, it is often described as meditation in motion, an internal martial art, a philosophy of life centered around humility, discipline, and the natural Chi energy that is present in the universe and every living organism.

Tai Chi’s slow under-water like movements are martial, artistic, and meditative. They will challenge both your mind and body, your sense of direction, and when practiced regularly will have immediately felt and long-term health benefits. The more controlled the movement and the slower it is, the more difficult it is physically. Tai Chi is low-impact, gentle, and spiritual martial art. The beginner starts by learning basic 24 form (a sequence of 24 movements) without weapons and may later advance to Tai Chi with weapons or wish to learn a fan Tai Chi form. Tai Chi has tremendous benefits, the low-impact yet challenging work-out is excellent for many. From persons with anxiety or high blood-pressure to pregnant women.

Traditionally, Tai Chi was practiced by Chinese people in the parks and the out-door spaces of China. An image of Purple Bamboo Park in Beijing floods my mind when I think of Tai Chi Quan and recall my last visit there. The photo captures the rich and ancient culture this marital art was born from and is very much embedded in.

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Tai Chi Sword in the park

Tai Chi has numerous health and well-being benefits. It is not only a physical and mental practice but also a spiritual one, encompassing the body, mind, and the spiritual/energetic dimensions. I believe we are spiritual beings in psychical bodies on this life’s journey and Tai Chi honors that.

If I have learned anything from my teacher, Shoa Nian Bates, it is that no matter how advanced or proficient you become at the forms there is always another level to master (physically, mentally, & spiritually). Tai Chi is first and for most an art form. It is both structured and creative, external & internal, ying and yang. Every movement has a martial application in which if practiced with that intention would be effective for self-defense. However, in modern times, most of us practice Tai Chi for health, peace of mind, and well-being and the focus is not on self-defense. From my humble perspective, Tai Chi is a very practical and enjoyable self-development practice that I would love to share with you!

I will leave you with my favorite martial art quote from the book 365 Tao: Daily Meditations: Ming Dao-Deng

 “​To be a good martial artist requires discipline, courage, and perseverance.
A martial artist’s ultimate opponent is one’s own self. There is a wide array of demons to be conquered: fear, laziness, ignorance, selfishness, egotism, and many others.
Talk of overpowering other people is inconsequential. The true nature of victory is to actually overcome one’s own defects. It takes ferocity and determination to overcome the demons within ourselves. Only by this can you become a good martial artist.”

Benefits include but are not limited to:

 Stress reduction & relaxation

Helping to improve memory & concentration

Improving energy levels

Improving mental clarity & mood

Increasing flexibility

Toning and shaping the body

Increasing range of motion and controlled movement

Grounding and strengthening the lower body

Improving balance and coordination

About Rawan

Rawan Al Husseini is an Arabic speaking Inclusion and Therapeutic Recreation Specialist (also known as a Recreational Therapist) from Canada, Halifax, Nova Scotia. She helps enable individuals develop their over-all health and well-being and enjoy an improved quality of life. She runs inclusive summer camps for children and work-place inclusion programs for young adults with disabilities. Rawan volunteers with Fred Donaldson, Noraini Mahmood, and Soumaya El Azem in the refugee camps of Lebanon yearly and has been practicing the martial art of Tai Chi Quan since 2009.

follow me on:

Instagram at ellaj.therapeuticrecreation
https://www.instagram.com/ellaj.therapeuticrecreation/?hl=en

 Facebook at Ellaj-Therapeutic Recreation
https://www.facebook.com/Ellaj-Therapeutic-Recreation-1825060491092888/?ref=aymt_homepage_panel

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Sword practice

 

Tai Chi Retreat (July 2017)

Tai Chi Quan

For those of you who do not know much about the ancient Chinese martial art referred to as Tai Chi Quan, it is often described as meditation in motion, an internal martial art, a philosophy of life centered around humility, discipline, and the natural Chi energy that is present in the universe and every living organism.

Tai Chi’s slow under-water like movements are martial, artistic, and meditative. They will challenge both your mind and body, your sense of direction, and when practiced regularly will have immediately felt and long-term health benefits. The more controlled the movement and the slower it is, the more difficult it is physically.

Traditionally, Tai Chi was practiced by Chinese people in the parks and the out-door spaces of China. An image of Purple Bamboo Park in Beijing floods my mind when I think of Tai Chi Quan and recall my last visit there. The photo captures the rich and ancient culture this marital art was born from and is very much embedded in.

100_3897

Tai Chi Sword in the park

Tai Chi has numerous health and well-being benefits. It is not only a physical and mental practice but also a spiritual one, encompassing the body, mind, and the spiritual/energetic dimensions. I believe we are spiritual beings in psychical bodies on this life’s journey and Tai Chi honors that.

If I have learned anything from my teacher, Shoa Nian Bates, it is that no matter how advanced or proficient you become at the forms there is always another level to master (physically, mentally, & spiritually). Tai Chi is first and for most an art form. It is both structured and creative, external & internal, ying and yang. Every movement has a martial application in which if practiced with that intention would be effective for self-defense. However, in modern times, most of us practice Tai Chi for health, peace of mind, and well-being and the focus is not on self-defense. From my humble perspective, Tai Chi is a very practical and enjoyable self-development practice that I would love to share with you!

I will leave you with my favorite martial art quote from the book 365 Tao: Daily Meditations: Ming Dao-Deng

 “​To be a good martial artist requires discipline, courage, and perseverance.
A martial artist’s ultimate opponent is one’s own self. There is a wide array of demons to be conquered: fear, laziness, ignorance, selfishness, egotism, and many others.
Talk of overpowering other people is inconsequential. The true nature of victory is to actually overcome one’s own defects. It takes ferocity and determination to overcome the demons within ourselves. Only by this can you become a good martial artist.”

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My Story

When I first heard the news of my martial arts teacher leaving Bahrain for good I immediately booked a flight out of Dubai to the tiny island I used to call home so I could spend my last days training with her.

As I arrived in the airport, I was overcome with excitement. Shao had welcomed me to stay at the studio for the larger part of my trip. I looked forward to re-uniting with my teacher and Tai Chi mates, the daily training, the tea breaks in-between, the stories, the sharing of health tips and medicinal recipes, the dosa breakfasts, stealing the show at Gulf hotel or Pashawat with a surprise martial art performance, Friday morning beach training, new year’s/sunrise training, and last but not least Shao’s legendary dumpling parties!

Although I had a place to stay at in Bahrain, we decided that it would be best to camp at the studio, that way I would never miss the early morning training and  really lose myself in the world of Tai Chi!

To give you a sense of this magical world created by a truly humble Tai Chi master, (she hates being called master, so this shall be the last time I refer to her as that) I will share snap-shots of it all, including my last stay in the studio, other students in training, post-training meals, nights out with Tai Chi friends, sleep overs, memories from past trips, beach training etc.

Upon arrival, I went straight to the studio, where I would stay for the next ten days. My bed was a down to earth pile of gym mats that I lay my tired body on at the end of a good day’s training. The early bird classes started at 6am. Other students would arrive and a typical training session would begin with a warm up, a lovely warm cup of Chinese tea made with love and then training.

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Shao would give classes through-out the day. I would join her in the Tai Chi and Qi Gong classes. After class, we usually went to an Indian breakfast  place in Adliyah to have dosa, a lentils dish, and red tea with milk. It was a simple and delicious tradition that Shao and her husband started each Friday morning with the students after a training session.

Some days after training, I would do my own thing, like meet some friends, go out for lunch, train, or go work in a coffee shop and return in time for the evening class.

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A Note about Shao 

Shoa Nian is a remarkable martial arts teacher, business woman, friend, and an inspiration to many of us (her students) that took up one or a few of her classes in Tai Chi, Wushu, Bagua, Kungfu and Qi Gong at this hidden gem in Bahrain (Bahrain Tai Chi and Wushu Center).

Shao’s coaching and the studio have often provided a sanctuary for me during the ups and downs of my life in Bahrain. The studio always had a nurturing and aesthetically pleasing atmosphere that being physically present there took me beyond space and time (a happy blissful place where the mind does not run the show anymore and you are focused on the body, doing and learning the various steps in a form and becoming better at it each day). I have learned a great deal from her over the years and this included but was not limited to the area of martial arts. Myself and her other students enjoyed many adventures and travels together and of course you really get to know those you travel with. So many beautiful friendships and memories were created and shared.

As a person, Shao is humble, kind & big hearted, disciplined, compassionate, non-judgmental, and inspiring.  She works hard yet enjoys life to the fullest. She is an embodiment of her life’s-philosophy and demonstrates that alongside daily practice and hard work there is still time for joy, fun, beauty, and laughter.

She sees the best in people, their gifts and talents, and encourages them to never stop discovering and pursuing them. She is a living proof that age does not have to reduce your ability and that getting old is a state of mind more than anything!

Shao focuses on the process rather than the product without neglecting the quality of the product which is usually a form well-performed (a marital art sequence). Her encouraging approach of working towards an objective by focusing on the journey rather than the end goal has really inspired and motivated my learning. For those lessons and blessings, I am in deep gratitude.

Today, on the 25th of August, Shao turns 67.  I celebrate with her in spirit, her last birthday in Bahrain, from Dubai (you heard my silly sentence!:P)

Thank you for your deeply felt presence in all our lives! You will be missed and always celebrated. Happy birthday dear Shao!

Your faithful student,

Rawan

40 Days without Facebook: Week 2

Week 2 (Jan 9-16):  

I have more time these days to feel my feelings, to look at the emptiness that I usually escape from to social media, to focus on important things, and to reflect on this experiment. Am I depressed I wondered. Depression or a generally low mood descended on me. So I sat with it. I sat with my feelings whatever they were and tried to be patient. I stayed with the boredom, sadness, irritation, and beauty of the moment without trying to escape it, capture it, post it, or share it. It all passed and I was OK with all of them, I survived. I learned a lot too because I was paying more attention and less distracted than ever before.

Was I still doing the things I loved doing? Were they still just as enjoyable even without the shares, likes, and comments? Would you still do what you do if you knew no one would ever see it? Are you doing it for yourself or for the world? Or maybe a combination of both? My gut feeling is that it’s a good idea to check up on your motivation from time to time and just be clear and honest with yourself.

One thing became clear to me, that is enjoying the attention of sharing moments of your life on social media is both externally motivated and ego-enhancing. External motivation is not a bad thing,  it can be very important and necessary to be able to function in the world we live in. However, external motivation on its own has a dark side. This dark side is fed by social media and relates to the illusion of being connected/liked/followed/popular etc.. when in-fact we are becoming more and more disconnected from our-selves, our internal life, nature, and the people and situations that are real and present in front of our eyes.

When you do things not for their own sake anymore, they lose their joy and sacredness. That may be fine if you are getting paid to finish a job or a project. Sometimes we have obligations in our life and even when difficult we need to search for the joy in fulfilling those without an external or tangible reward. However, if your fulfilling them just to please others or society it becomes a huge burden.  Getting stuck in this burdened joy-less autopilot mode day in and day out (where we do things just for appearances/payment/popularity/outer success) will suck the life right out of us!

A mother messaged me about social media being an outlet for a few moments of peace away from the hectic life of being a mom raising her young child. This to her is a positive escape, she feels that when she takes (a limited amount of) time for herself each day to do her thing on social media  and then goes back she can be more present with her life because of it. Social media can be used for many good purposes, using it like this mom or to take a break from a hectic day at work is certainly healthy. Go ahead and share and post away but ask yourself, why am I sharing this now? Know the answer.

Being motivated to do things in order to share them on social media becomes a problem when it turns into a habit, a compulsion, or a need for validation from the outside world.  Do they like me? Like me!!!! (wait that is not me that is my projected image that I have spent hours building online) Wait, I have an amazing life!!! Look!!! I can prove it! Like my image!!! Like my post!!!! like my blog!!! Sound a little coo-coo? 🙂

We are all susceptible to this trail of thoughts and it can become so habitual you do not even notice it. Social media encourages this behavior and solidifies it. Building an image of yourself for the world that may or may not really represent who you are, takes a lot of effort.

I confess that I really enjoy sharing happy memories, great articles, funny videos, jokes, photos of myself wearing nice jewelry, my Recreational Therapy work, photos with friends and family, art and music. Still, just for clarity, try it once in a while, enjoy a moment or a meal or an experience and do not share it (keep it between you and your loved one, you and God, you and your kids, you and your friends, and feel whatever feelings it brings up. is it any less special?)

As humans we need nature (brings calm), real contact (brings vulnerability and discovery of self through other), authentic conversation (brings true dialogue and sharing). Creating this kind of depth in our interactions brings the interesting mix of light and dark into relationships. This hard stuff requires a certain set of skills and like a muscle that weakens as we use it less and less so do these skills diminish and disappear. Imagine what happens when children and teenagers spend most of their time on screens? They certainly will not learn the same skills as those who  are engaged in ample family interaction, community activities, time in the out-doors, team-sports, or volunteer work. They will lack empathy, emotional intelligence, clear boundaries, and conflict resolution skills. In my practice, I keep seeing more and more children with angry tempers that verge on terrorizing their families, low self-esteem, and extremely poor problem solving skills. This may be due to many  factors and not just the overuse of  technology and social media. However, the virtual world will never be a good substitute for learning about life, for satisfying connections, or for the education that naturally arises  while  children directly interact with their environment.

Research has proven that young children need lots of interaction and physical touch to develop cognitively!!! They need it, not for social development, not for emotional development, not for overall well-being but for cognition! The human brain depends on these to grow, develop, and to thrive.

So yeah, I got a little depressed without my Facebook dosage but soon enough all that effort that was not going into Facebook started going into creative things, Like writing this post. And this is only the second week 🙂

Rawan

40 Days without Facebook: Week 1

Week 1 (Jan 2nd-9th):

Disconnecting to connect. Going back to basics, nature, and the simple life before social media.

I am trying to remember my life before checking Facebook first thing in the morning, at lunch-time, at the office,  or last thing before bed-time.  I could not remember those days clearly and  I needed to remember.  

At first I felt instantly more peaceful but soon came the withdrawal symptoms. An emptiness that I could not ignore. How would I fill this emptiness I wondered. 

In the first week of the new-year, I  was proud of myself for doing my Tai- Chi practice and meditation early in the morning. I also enjoyed the quality time spent with family and friends without looking at my phone as often. I still used my phone but without Facebook, the frequency decreased significantly.

Back at work, I drank my morning Chai Masala (some may be familiar with the sugar filled Karak tea/which is my other addiction but I’ll save that for another post :)) and worked on my project proposal without interruptions.  I was so focused, I finished that proposal before the deadline I had set for myself. 

Weekend again, was spent with family, notification free, and more peaceful than it’s ever been. I watched a movie at home which I never had time to do as I am usually out and about or when home, on Facebook. My interaction with my environment had changed, it was quieter, deeper, and more spacious.

Through out the following weeks, I often found myself in situations like:

being in an elevator full of people

waiting for a class to start at the gym

siting in a coffee shop

and in all the above public shared spaces people were staring into their phone. I wondered what had happened to the culture of smiling and saying hello in an elevator, the courtesy of introducing yourself and meeting people attending the same classes at the gym, and the spontaneous mingling that might happen when visiting a coffee shop. It has become brave of a person to be sitting in a public space and not be occupied by their phone, laptop, or shisha (in the case of some of us here in Dubai :)).

Could we be missing out on the world before our eyes by holding onto our devices rather than, having a reflective moment alone, observing or interacting with the environment we are in. As we are choosing to interact with screens more than ever in human history, whether it is for virtual entertainment or for practical reasons, are we losing our selves and losing the richness of the present moment?

This is where the struggle lies. Do we give in to the easy, fast, and entertaining past-time/escape OR do we find other more productive avenues to pour our attention and focus into? The latter may be harder and require more searching, discipline, and rigorous honesty with ourselves (tuff stuff). A lot of times, not escaping, means we get to experience our heavier feelings to the fullest. This can be scary and uncomfortable and we want immediate comfort, immediate rewards, immediate answers and so end up losing the essential ingredients (patience and perseverance) which precede all worthy goals, relationships, and accomplishments.

Stay posted for more on facing the scary dark world of feeling our not-so-pretty feelings without running away or distracting ourselves with social media or any other form of quick fix in the next post!

Rawan

40 Days without Facebook

Salam folks! I am back on Facebook for the time-being. Some of you have inquired as to where my Facebook page disappeared or why, while others have not even noticed. Honestly, it is the healthiest that some of you may not care about my Facebook presence (if you can call it that), hahaha. Facebook presence is a fake presence and my intentional 4o day experiment only confirmed that.

 

How the Decision to Take a Break from Facebook Came About

In late 2016, I watched a you-tube talk by Simon Sinek (Millenials in the Work Place) that resonated with me on many levels. I have posted the link below for your reference. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hER0Qp6QJNU

I basically wanted to explore some of the points Sinek made that resonated the most. For your information,  I have been an avid facebook user, so this experiment may or may not change that. After reflection, the truths that hit me like a ton of bricks were:

a) how addictive social  media and constant virtual noise can be

b) how it is has rapidly changed our society and the way we humans connect or appear to connect  (failing to connect) and

c) how distracting it is from real life (the reality in front of our eyes). In addition , we have  all experienced (at least occasionally) the high (instant gratification) from receiving likes/shares/comments on content we have identified ourselves with and the low from lack of.

Even though I am not part of that generation of Millennials, I definitely got myself addicted to Facebook, the social media platform I enjoy the most out of the lot.  What do you think of the virtual world? Is on-line connection healthy? It does have numerous advantages. Do you feel the advantages are worth it? Do you need to put some limits on its access for yourself? your kids? Your partner? Your peace of mind? or is unlimited access working well for you?

Life has been teaching me, when a positive thing spins out of control and the negatives begin out-weighing the positives, it usually means it is time to to put some boundaries in place. Therefore, my 2017 boundary (I prefer that word over resolution-as resolutions have failed in the past so am trying the boundary system:)) was the following:

For 40 days, to simply deactivate my Facebook account (from January 2nd to February 12th). Simple right? Do-able? Definitely. Sustainable? Not so sure.

Little did I know, that the main theme of the whole month and ten days would turn out to be all about boundaries! Including using my power and taking it back from the external world where I willingly gave it away. When things go out of balance in your life, it could mean that you are giving up a part of your power to outside influences. What are some outer-influences you have given over your power to? It can be literally anything! An idea, a thought, a job, an emotion, all forms of addiction, a person, a boss, a group, a philosophy, a belief system, etc…

I skyped with my friend Aude about this matter shortly before making my decision . Being a more disciplined type, Aude said to me , “Rawan, it is not very clever what you are doing (spending a lot of time) on Facebook.”  Lol:)

Right on!! Merci beaucoup Aude!  Still, I do not think I can cut it out cold turkey yet, or ever, and am not making promises I can’t keep.

I do hope that the series of posts: 40 Days without Facebook at least gets you thinking about your own experiences with social media, your personal power, and the choices you make everyday as you log on-line and log off your life.

Keep checking this space for more updates on my Facebook-less experiences! 🙂

Rawan

 

 

 

 

 

 

Day 2: Playing with Refugees – ORIGINAL PLAY

Oct.7.2016

After breakfast , we headed to a school for Syrian refugee children in Beirut. A humble building with a 2-3 indoor classrooms and an outdoor area used for break-time and PE. In order to maximize on the limited space, the school operated in shifts.The children who came in the morning shift were different from those that came in the afternoon.They each attended school for 4 hours a day.

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Upon arriving at the school and while waiting for the admin to show us in, one  of my team  members found a children’s story book written in Arabic and asked me to translate it.  I had never seen a children’s story book like this one before. The words and illustrations were of bombs, soldiers, underground hide-outs, and power outages. The book reflected a children’s version of the Lebanese 15 year civil war .

The back-ground or so called “play ground” was set in an outdoor open space intimately surrounded by apartment buildings with small balconies so that those who lived  in the apartments could and did poke their head out to see what the commotion below was all about. Some of the old building walls surrounding the play ground were dotted with bullet holes, not an uncommon sight in Beirut.

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As the students trickled in they were disorganized, chaotic, and deaf to instructions.  I found myself turning into a policewoman, standing larger, and raising my voice.  Initially, it was impossible to play with the children as the team was basically breaking up fights instead and policing kids into order. The scene consisted of girls & boys of different ages running around hitting each other, kicking, pushing, and hair pulling . Every corner you looked some form of aggression was taking place. Boys were hitting girls, larger kids shoving the smaller ones, girls pulling each others hair and fighting with boys. When it was time to line up to go back to class, the teachers were being ignored and a lot of arguing and lingering around was flaming the fire even further. Fred said there was more aggression at this school than he had seen in a prison!

As the first group of kids left for the day and we recognized the new the kind of challenge on our hands this afternoon, I looked at Fred and thought to myself, “Where do we start?”. There was a serious behavior management issue  and the teachers had little control over the students. As if Fred heard my panicked thoughts, he used his firmest and calmest voice to tell the team to pack up the mats and leave no trace of our presence for the second group of children.

While having a short break and recharging for the next round, the team had the chance to sit with the principal and ask for some background on the kids. She said that most lived in a very confined space, sharing a small room with 5 or 6 others. Some of these children, even though older, had never done any formal schooling before. Some as young as 9 were working as car mechanics to help the family make ends meet.

One of the school bullies (in the green and white t-shirt) lived in a room with 6 other brothers and their father. The father sometimes put him out to spend the night on the street as punishment for bad behavior. He was about 11 or 12, wearing a white and a green striped t-shirt, and usually seen hitting and displaying territorial behavior around the play-ground . When it was time to play with the older boys, him and another verbally and physically aggressive boy were not listening and endlessly arguing with their teacher. One of them was shouting out curses and having a teenage temper tantrum.  Fred used his firmest and calmest voice. They could either go back to class or play according to set  boundaries. He repeated and I translated, we would not carry on until they made a decision.

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To everyone’s surprise the boy with the green and white t-shirt decided to join us at the mats. He played. He respected our rules. When it was time for the inquiry, I asked:

  1. Did we hit you? (no)
  2. Did we kick you? (no)
  3. Did we hurt you? (no)

That is true play. We sometimes forget. Therefore, we need to remind ourselves, our friends, our parents & siblings, and our teachers that anything hurtful is not play. We must speak up for ourselves and others and say stop it!

The tough boy’s facial expression had softened and he shared with us that his father and brothers hit him and would do not listen to him.

I have to point out that he not only opened up to play but he also felt safe enough- in the play space- to express the truth of his harsh reality. After 20 minutes of Original Play, this bully had the willingness to share and be vulnerable in front of a group of strangers. He exchanged hand-shakes and manly hugs with the male members of the team. Wow, what a real transformation! I was so happy I witnessed that 🙂

I need to stress that some children who experience any kind of trauma or aggression in their daily life, may require a longer time to reach that stage of engagement, connection, and being emotionally open.

A change in facial expression. A response to a look. A loosened grip. A less guarded posture. The telling of one’s story. I understood what Fred had meant when he told us to look out for the small changes.

Rawan

 

 

Day 1: Playing with Refugees – ORIGINAL PLAY

Today marked a reunion with the amazing Original Play team!  Fred Donaldson, Noraini Mahmood, Soumaya Al Azem, and myself. The four of us had not met all together in Lebanon since my last trip to Beirut in 2014. The team had grown since and I was about to meet the rest over breakfast in our hotel restaurant. Ingrid, Sonia, Uwe, and  Armin!  The team was multi-culturally rich ( Germany, Austria, Sweden/USA, Bahrain/Singapore, Canada/Dubai). I would get to know the new participants and share some profound moments with all, over the next few days.

You are probably thinking what is this Original Play? What is she talking about?! I can start by telling you that is not something you can describe in words but can only experience first hand. The best I can do here is to describe it’s purpose.

The purpose of Original Play is to replace aggression with gentleness, isolation with connection, confusion with clarity, war with peace, and fear with love.

The founder of Original Play is the world renown play specialist  Dr. Fred Donaldson, a very inspiring individual who has dedicated his life’s work to changing patterns of fear and aggression around the world . He has taken this work beyond academia, cultural boundaries, and language. Fred is also a skillful martial artist and uses martial art principles in his work with refugee children, street kids, gangsters, prison-inmates, children with special needs, and wild animals . Yes, you heard me! He has practiced Original Play with wolves, horses, bears, lions, and dolphins.

I will leave the details of his story for you to find out, either by attending one of his introductory lectures, signing up for a weekend workshop, looking him up on google, or by having a chat with me. I have had the privilege of following Fred to several destinations as an apprentice in Original Play and have watched him do his magic in Bahrain, Poland, and Lebanon to name a few. This time I come from Dubai to spend 5 days with him and the team in Lebanon where we will spend our days mostly playing and interacting with refugee children and their families. The next few blog posts will document each of the five unforgettable days so please stay posted!

Oct 6.2016

After a hotel breakfast, the eight of us along with the two drivers headed towards Tripoli to the psychological center for trauma relief which hosts Syrian refugee children and their mothers (as most of the fathers have either been imprisoned or tortured to death).

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These two young teenagers with their niece told us of their struggle to survive in a dangerous area in Tripoli, at risk of being harassed or raped, the 16 year old was forced to quit working at an ice-cream shop. After both the dad and brother were kidnapped and killed in Syria, the remaining family of four women fled to Lebanon. The girls now out of school and desperate to make ends meet. A 14 year old, a 16 year old, a 23 year old (not in the picture), a toddler, and the mother (not in picture). The oldest one, abandoned by a new husband after giving birth, works a 12 hour job as a hairdresser in Beirut and leaves her toddler with her teenage sisters. Her salary is just enough to cover the rent for the small room they all stay in. Her salary does not cover food or transport for the long journey from Tripoli to Beirut and back. Donations collected by one of our team members  would help move them to a better area and fund their education for a year.

At the center we played with 2 groups of children in a small classroom. Afterwards we headed towards 2 orphanages. I was assigned the role of translator since I was Arabic speaking. I introduced the team, explained the reason behind our visit, and the rules of Original Play. At the end of the Original Play session I always asked/translated to the children the same 3 questions and got the same answers.

1. When we played with you did we hit you? No

2. Did we kick you? No

3. Did we hurt you? No

That is what real play is. It is when everyone plays together safely.There is no winner or loser. People can be older or younger than us, parents or siblings, or people from different countries. Yet, we can all play together safely without any body getting hurt. Anything else is not play and we must say stop it! This is not play, I will not participate.

I need to stress that this is incredibly important for kids who have experienced trauma and hardship, which in turn breeds hopelessness, frustration, and subsequent aggression. When families are in survival mode the fight or flight response is activated – you either become aggressor or victim, there is no in between. We see this manifest in many circumstances such as slums, street gangs, …..and refugee camps.

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Before continuing our journey we stopped in the old market in Tripoli for lunch in an old Lebanese restaurant and some soap shopping which Tripoli is famous for.

At one of the orphanages. After laying out the mats, we played with 5 groups of children, starting with youngest and most gentle (often but not always the case).  While playing with one of the last groups of older more aggressive males, 3 boys jumped on one of my male colleagues’ back and while trying to get one of them off I was pushed hard and fell. No harm done, but that day I learned that I could get hurt doing this and needed to be okay with that. I also learned a lesson in leading the play, when one of the boys had a choking grip on a colleague and it was my responsibility to know when to end the session. I re-learned the importance of clarity with my team, the children, and the adults watching on the side-lines.

We concluded our play with a group of strong and energetic girls. There was no shyness, timidity, or reservation from these young ladies. They did not care about age or gender, they gave a fearless 100 % to the whole team.

Before leaving, the youth surprised us with a musical performance. Many had bonded with some of the adults they had played with. I was asked to translate: “can you come back tomorrow?”, “Can I have picture with you?”, and “I love you”.  We played with more than a 100 children that day.

Rawan

 

A Day in Eastern Passage

 

My first days in Halifax were very similar to my last days there. Re-unions and  good-byes carry the same bitter-sweetness I suppose.

There was the excitement of arriving in the airport and being received by one of my mother’s dearest friends, aunt Gi is what I will call her here (not her real name). She  is a Haligonian legend, a survivor, a healer, an artist, and an ocean lover. I enjoyed spending some time with aunt Gi as soon as I arrived in Halifax and just before I left.

Aunt Gi invited me over for supper one evening. We spent the afternoon on her balcony overlooking the harbor from one side and the Atlantic ocean from the other. I basked in the sun while she barbecued our delicious meal. Dinner consisted of barbecued salmon, grilled vegetables, and buttered bread served on a round wooden table that once belonged in our Clayton Park living room. Aunt Gi had bought the table from us when we sold the last of our furniture so I was delighted to eat on that old piece of furniture again!

Her place was divine. There was the balcony with the double-view combined with the smell of salty ocean air that filled your lungs the moment you stepped outside. There were paintings she had painted herself and photos of her travels on the walls . Every corner was was filled with that personal touch. Before going to her lovely place we took a walk by the water front and passed by some local gift shops where I bought some souvenirs and jewelry. It was a lovely experience delivered with true Nova Scotian hospitality!

Rawan

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