Goodbye December! Feels a little like spring (mostly sunny weather with a refreshing breeze) in Dubai although it’s winter! 😉

2018 has been a winter year for me, a great year of endings and slowing downs. As I say goodbye to it I remember that it started with an eye injury and ended with a foot injury lol (tells you what kind of year it was). A clumsy one, rich with lessons, endings and potential beginnings I suppose. I started and ended a few relationships that were not for keeps but helped me realize clearly what and who matter most and what areas I was not willing to compromise in. People I love went through many life changes as well. Some went through marriage, others gave birth, got divorced, lost a parent, started a business etc..

How did you find it? Was it too eventful? What does one do when life suddenly changes and pulls the rug from underneath your feet? How do you deal with it? Can you sail through the groundlessness and have a hot chocolate with uncertainty?

It does take a while to relax into,  it certainly took me a while. You may have noticed or not that I have disappeared for some time now, not writing anything new during 2018 was not part of the plan. However, sometimes our plans go out the window and we are forced to focus on some other type of work or process. 2018 has definitely been a year of processes and much internal work. Winter season with its cooler temperatures and darker themes has been an education of sorts. Frustrating when you resist or deny it yet when embraced it becomes an invaluable source of reflection,  ground-work, change and eventually growth. OUCH!

Fact: growth is usually painful, you don’t get out of it without stretch marks! It means our ego shed an old skin, let go of another layer or falsity and surrendered to something bigger than ourselves. If you are anything like me you probably don’t like being slowed down or having obstacles that force you to relax into the discomfort of the unknown. I often feel that way when I travel back home (one of my homes) to Bahrain. First there is irritation and resistance (I fight and protest against it or feel sorry for myself and then after a while of resisting, fighting and boohooing I just accept it and begin to relax, that is when space is created for some new perspective and it starts to feel better (THANK GOD!!). (I can see clearly now the rain is gone…:)).

“Within every summer there are seeds of winter and within every winter come the seeds of summer, best not get used to either and enjoy the fall and spring”.

Enough singing and poetry and back to the winters of life but first I must give you a background as what brought me to that winter. In other words the summer before the winter which I am also grateful for, having had all these opportunities to blossom and shine.

My winter started with leaving a job that had shaped me for the past 3-4 years. It felt right to move on. I had learned all I could and offered all I could. I had gone live on MBC to talk about Recreation Therapy and in ARABIC!! An incredible milestone and an honor to be the first Recreation Therapist in the region to go on public TV (was a super cool & scary experience too). I had joined and worked with a team of skilled therapists and met many wonderful clients and families, launched a meaningful non-corporate project out into the corporate world, made some good friendships along the way, lost some too (not everyone is there to last in your life). Forgiveness of others and of yourself is not always easy. It takes a lot of courage be vulnerable and to forgive someone who has hurt you. It’s easier to avoid, judge, punish, take things personally, shutdown, get even, cut people off and hold a grudge. It is easy in the moment but exhausting in the long run.

So, I learned to let a lot of it go, give people excuses, own up to my bullshit, confront others with their’s, stop beating  myself up for being human and simply move on! Increasing the dose of compassion and embracing all of it with heart was necessary and humbling . Life is a series of ups and downs, joy after sorrow and deep valleys before mountain tops.  It is said you cannot experience one end of the spectrum without the other, unless you are enlightened of-course lol.

I spent my  2018th birthday traveling (wanted to get away from it-all the lessons intensely jam-packed in a short period of time). I took a break and traveled to visit an old friend in Oman. The trip was amazing and I was in need of some loving friends and a change of scenery. My soul started to heal and I began some new projects and busied myself with them. However, as an emotional and easy-going person I struggled with staying grounded, following plans, and getting motivated. Without the structured hours and work routine I was uncomfortably free flowing ok flooding. Some days it was hellish to get out of bed. Facing fears at 5 am in the morning (was being disciplined by waking up early) can be unpleasant. Now that I was free of the 9-5 schedule, it felt exciting and terrifying all at once! There were so many questions, possibilities and unknowns. It felt like an overwhelming foreign territory but I was also free to explore it any way I felt called to. My mind went wild with worry. What if I got lost? What if I flailed? what if I couldn’t survive? What if I got discouraged? What about all that effort? Would it be worth it? There were days when facing the emotional roller coaster that comes with having all that unstructured time seemed the worst of it. Was I going to turn it into a blessing or a curse?

Stay tuned for the next blog to find out and see you in the NEW YEAR!!! 🙂

Rawan