Week 2 (Jan 9-16):  

I have more time these days to feel my feelings, to look at the emptiness that I usually escape from to social media, to focus on important things, and to reflect on this experiment. Am I depressed I wondered. Depression or a generally low mood descended on me. So I sat with it. I sat with my feelings whatever they were and tried to be patient. I stayed with the boredom, sadness, irritation, and beauty of the moment without trying to escape it, capture it, post it, or share it. It all passed and I was OK with all of them, I survived. I learned a lot too because I was paying more attention and less distracted than ever before.

Was I still doing the things I loved doing? Were they still just as enjoyable even without the shares, likes, and comments? Would you still do what you do if you knew no one would ever see it? Are you doing it for yourself or for the world? Or maybe a combination of both? My gut feeling is that it’s a good idea to check up on your motivation from time to time and just be clear and honest with yourself.

One thing became clear to me, that is enjoying the attention of sharing moments of your life on social media is both externally motivated and ego-enhancing. External motivation is not a bad thing,  it can be very important and necessary to be able to function in the world we live in. However, external motivation on its own has a dark side. This dark side is fed by social media and relates to the illusion of being connected/liked/followed/popular etc.. when in-fact we are becoming more and more disconnected from our-selves, our internal life, nature, and the people and situations that are real and present in front of our eyes.

When you do things not for their own sake anymore, they lose their joy and sacredness. That may be fine if you are getting paid to finish a job or a project. Sometimes we have obligations in our life and even when difficult we need to search for the joy in fulfilling those without an external or tangible reward. However, if your fulfilling them just to please others or society it becomes a huge burden.  Getting stuck in this burdened joy-less autopilot mode day in and day out (where we do things just for appearances/payment/popularity/outer success) will suck the life right out of us!

A mother messaged me about social media being an outlet for a few moments of peace away from the hectic life of being a mom raising her young child. This to her is a positive escape, she feels that when she takes (a limited amount of) time for herself each day to do her thing on social media  and then goes back she can be more present with her life because of it. Social media can be used for many good purposes, using it like this mom or to take a break from a hectic day at work is certainly healthy. Go ahead and share and post away but ask yourself, why am I sharing this now? Know the answer.

Being motivated to do things in order to share them on social media becomes a problem when it turns into a habit, a compulsion, or a need for validation from the outside world.  Do they like me? Like me!!!! (wait that is not me that is my projected image that I have spent hours building online) Wait, I have an amazing life!!! Look!!! I can prove it! Like my image!!! Like my post!!!! like my blog!!! Sound a little coo-coo? 🙂

We are all susceptible to this trail of thoughts and it can become so habitual you do not even notice it. Social media encourages this behavior and solidifies it. Building an image of yourself for the world that may or may not really represent who you are, takes a lot of effort.

I confess that I really enjoy sharing happy memories, great articles, funny videos, jokes, photos of myself wearing nice jewelry, my Recreational Therapy work, photos with friends and family, art and music. Still, just for clarity, try it once in a while, enjoy a moment or a meal or an experience and do not share it (keep it between you and your loved one, you and God, you and your kids, you and your friends, and feel whatever feelings it brings up. is it any less special?)

As humans we need nature (brings calm), real contact (brings vulnerability and discovery of self through other), authentic conversation (brings true dialogue and sharing). Creating this kind of depth in our interactions brings the interesting mix of light and dark into relationships. This hard stuff requires a certain set of skills and like a muscle that weakens as we use it less and less so do these skills diminish and disappear. Imagine what happens when children and teenagers spend most of their time on screens? They certainly will not learn the same skills as those who  are engaged in ample family interaction, community activities, time in the out-doors, team-sports, or volunteer work. They will lack empathy, emotional intelligence, clear boundaries, and conflict resolution skills. In my practice, I keep seeing more and more children with angry tempers that verge on terrorizing their families, low self-esteem, and extremely poor problem solving skills. This may be due to many  factors and not just the overuse of  technology and social media. However, the virtual world will never be a good substitute for learning about life, for satisfying connections, or for the education that naturally arises  while  children directly interact with their environment.

Research has proven that young children need lots of interaction and physical touch to develop cognitively!!! They need it, not for social development, not for emotional development, not for overall well-being but for cognition! The human brain depends on these to grow, develop, and to thrive.

So yeah, I got a little depressed without my Facebook dosage but soon enough all that effort that was not going into Facebook started going into creative things, Like writing this post. And this is only the second week 🙂

Rawan